I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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