my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
