My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
