Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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