Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
