I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
