why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
