I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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