There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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