Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
