Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
