Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
