If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
