Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
