Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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