literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
