what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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