it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everything about him screamed your future.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They took my balls.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
