So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
