she was so not down for the gang bang
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
