Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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