I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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