He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
