I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will be naked everywhere
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
