I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
