well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
whose parrot is this?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The adults are the big ones right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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