using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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