The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
