Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
