so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
