You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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