She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just forgot I was standing up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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