Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
