Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Say something about gay babies.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
