ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did I show you my penis last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
