Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
