i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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