Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
