Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
