Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
