I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
