Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
