I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
