Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
