why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
