bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
