he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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