I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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