I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
