she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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