I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
